Happy Marriage, Boring Sex

Q: I’m 48 years old and happily married to a wonderful man for 17 years. Our kids are in their teens leaving us more free time to spend together. Problem is that for the most part all the romance is gone from our sex. I get that when the kids were smaller we only had time for quickies, but now I’d like more than having him climb on top of me and do his thing. He’s not very experienced since we started dating in our late teens. I’ve only ever been with one other man before my husband, so I don’t know a lot about sex either, but I’m thinking there must be more. What can I do to help add some excitement back into our marriage?

A: First know that you’re not alone. Many couples find themselves in a sexual rut when sex becomes routine due to busy lives. I have many suggestions, but let’s start with a few.

  1. Establish a weekly date night. When was your last official datet? Having time to put aside your daily cares and focus on each other is paramount to spicing up your romantic life. It doesn’t have to be any place fancy; just someplace where you can enjoy each other’s company and reflect on what you love about each other.
  2. Go the extra mile with personal care. Remember the time you used to spend getting ready for a date in the early days? Spruce up a bit for your date night. Spend a little extra time on your hair. Treat yourself to a manicure and add a jazzy polish. Add some perfume to your bath. Trim your nose hairs. Spritz on a little perfume (note the operative word here is “little” – don’t overwhelm your partner by bathing in scent). Let your partner know you’ve done this for him, which may subtly encourage him to reciprocate for future dates.
  3. Communicate, communicate, communicate! Chat about a scene in one of the erotic romance novels out there. Or better yet, share one of your personal fantasies (start with something simple to open the door). My husband introduced me to our Double Diary as a way to share our love and fantasies, and we haven’t looked back since. You can read all about starting a double diary along with a few excerpts in my erotic romance novel, Scorpio Awakens.
  4. Above all, be patient. Change takes time. Use the time to education yourself about your sexual needs and desires. You’ll find that the Ask Dan and Jennifer blog is a great resource.

That should be enough to get you started. Give one or all of these suggestions a try and let us know how it goes. Readers, do you have any other suggestions?

Feed your fantasies!


Is His Penis Too Big?

Tape MeasureFrom time to time I receive questions from my readers, and I’ve decided to start the new year off with a new “Dear Lilith” column. Here’s the first I selected.

Q: My husband’s penis is so big it’s uncomfortable when we have intercourse. It’s very thick and is longer than both hands wrapped around it. Is he too big for me?

A: When we’re talking penis size, there is no such thing as too big or too small. The average length of an male penis is 4.7 to 6.3 inches with a circumference of around 4.7 inches. (Click here or here to read more about penis size.) That makes the average mean length of an erect penis around 5 to 6 inches.

The beauty of the vagina is that it was made to accommodate almost any size. As you relax and enjoy, you may find yourself able to absorb a little more of his length. Put aside any worries about being able to please him and focus on using a combination of hands, mouth, and vagina to help you both experience maximum pleasure.

Readers – any other suggestions?

Feed your fantasies!



SCORPIO AWAKENS Launch Party Invitation

I'm happy to announce that the revised version of Scorpio Awakens is coming out on Friday, November 28, and I invite you to join me on Facebook for the launch party. If you're online, drop by between 5 - 8 p.m. EST and join me and fellow erotic … [Continue reading]

What He REALLY Thinks About During Sex With You

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Raw Books Gives Scorpio Begins 5 Stars!

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Join the Scorpio Begins Launch Party

Hello – I’m excited to announce the release of my erotic romance novel, Scorpio Begins on August 22. My publisher, Luminosity Publishing, has set up a release event on Facebook, and I invite you to join us for all kinds of fun between now and the … [Continue reading]

Coming in August … Scorpio Begins

My name is Connor McClane, and if you haven’t guessed, I’m a Scorpio. Few women have ever made an impression on me. Not one of them could live up to the sexual prowess of Meredith Kincaid, the woman who stole my virginity and taught me to be a man. … [Continue reading]

Penis Size — 5 Things Women Want In A Penis

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Is Sexual Fantasy Hazardous to Your Health?

Once in a while I come across an article worth sharing with you. If you've visited my website or follow my blog, you know that my motto is "Feed your fantasies". This article takes a look at how our culture feels about sexual fantasy and how little … [Continue reading]


 I stumbled across the stone patio that spread across the back of the large estate. I gulped the cool night air, trying to get rid of the large lump that threatened to choke off my breathing. This is why I hate feeling. Hate it. Hate it. Hate … [Continue reading]